The Unsuccessful Way to Cloud No 9
by Trollmela
Summary: It sure as Hell wasn't Balthazar's fault that Castiel was still a virgin. He did his best but Castiel was just oblivious, no matter how bad or obvious the pick-up line. Slash, attempted Balthazar/Castiel, possible Castiel/Dean


**The Unsuccessful Way to Cloud No. 9**

_Disclaimer: _None of the characters are mine. I do not profit from this story.  
><em>Pairing: <em>attempted Castiel/Balthazar, possible Castiel/Dean  
><em>Rating: <em>PG-13  
><em>Warning: <em>Bad pick-up lines  
><em>Spoilers: <em>Season 6  
><em>Beta: <em>webbswoman_ - Thank you, my dear!  
><em>

_Summary: _It sure as Hell wasn't Balthazar's fault that Castiel was still a virgin. He did his best but Castiel was just oblivious, no matter how bad or obvious the pick-up line.

_Note:_ The pick-up lines are not mine. I found them on various sites on the net. Some I tweaked so they fit better.

* * *

><p>They served together, and when you fight together, getting closer is inevitable. Lots of couples had already formed like this, both of the temporary and the forever kind. So when Balthazar got bored – which happened easily enough – he went to Castiel and dropped a few hints.<p>

"Come on, Cassie, let's go cloud seeding." He spread his wings a bit, showing Cas what he could get if they merged grace.

"I am needed," was Castiel's disinterested response. It didn't take the other angel long to realize that Cas didn't even understand what Balthazar was after. As if all he was asking for was a walk. When Castiel opened his wings wide, wider than Balthazar had done, he thought at first that he had underestimated the younger angel but then Cas was off, flying high and away.

And what had started out as boredom turned into a fixation.

Castiel was ridiculously dedicated to duty. He didn't question orders, he did exactly as he was told, he was the most faithful and if he had had a better voice, there wouldn't have been anyone worthier in the choir. Instead, he was a warrior; his superiors – first Anael, then Zachariah – took his skills for granted and Castiel didn't even realize it.

Whenever Balthazar attempted to get down and dirty with the other angel, there was always something Castiel had to do:

"Want to take a walk in paradise?"

"I have to guard this weapon."

"Doesn't now seem a great time for us to fly off together?"

"I must take part in that mission."

"I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south."

"You know where paradise is, Balthazar. I don't have time, there is a demon I must kill."

Balthazar's "Can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my arse? A Cupid just shot me," got even less; namely, a confused look.

Then the Apocalypse approached and everyone was tense and ready for the End of Days to finally be there. Those fortunate enough to have a mate worked off the tension together. Balthazar thought that now, with such examples left, right and center, Castiel would finally see what they could do together.

Or did he?

"Hey, there's an Apocalypse looming, so how about you and I mate and prepare for a future generation."

"Zachariah has tasked me with breaking into Hell and raising the Righteous Man."

And that was the only thing he would talk about for the next months. Righteous Man this, Righteous Man that. If Balthazar had had a relationship with Cas, he would have been jealous. Screw that: He didn't have a relationship with Cas but he was still jealous.

Then Castiel went to earth and he started to change without Balthazar having anything to do with it. It was all Dean. Castiel started guarding his words when he spoke to his superiors, but when he talked with Balthazar – who liked to think of himself as a good friend – Dean was mentioned in almost every sentence. Everything became even worse when their superiors realized how attached the angel had become to the Righteous Man: the consequence was that Castiel was put into angel re-education camp.

Balthazar tried again. Perhaps it was not the most tactful move after such an experience but nobody had ever said that he was tactful. Remember his "I think I've lost my grace. Would you share yours?".

But Cas was back to talking only about his mission. Not mission_s_, plural, _mission_, singular, which took no less of his time than the hundreds of missions he had had before at the same time. And then he took a stand. It would be a lie to say that Balthazar wasn't shocked at first. Or perhaps even horrified. But the longer the struggle took down on earth, the more Balthazar changed. When Castiel returned to Heaven after the end of the Apocalypse and civil war began, Balthazar thought, 'who cares', and made advances again. And again Castiel spoke of duty, and war, and occasionally Balthazar caught him watching over the Righteous Man without the human even realizing it.

That was when Balthazar took the hint. Castiel was oblivious, completely blind due to duty and perhaps also due to the elder Winchester brother and Balthazar was sick of waiting; he had waited for millennia. And as he had never had a wish more fervent in his existence than Castiel, he took what he knew others would want more than anything once they were gone: the weapons of Heaven. That Castiel would look for them as well sooner or later was just a bonus.

* * *

><p><em>Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it. Comments are always appreciated.<br>_


End file.
